A seasonal musing.

I haven’t continued with my ramblings around taking therapy for a bit.  There’s not one reason that can be given but a combination of excuses perhaps. 

Not feeling that the timing was right mostly.  yes, I go with my intuition on that.

Yet, I am prompted to write today, it’s Christmas day here in the UK. For many, a day to gather with family whether we enjoy their company or not.  My own family is much smaller now.  Parents have passed on. The passing of our son, Gavin. That’s been 6 years now and still sometimes feels like yesterday.  My husbands siblings have their own things and families to be with, and that could make me feel excluded.

So I’ve pondered on that this morning whilst sat in my back garden. Surrounded by dormant plants and flowering plants. Listening to bird song and flutterings. Feeling a breeze on my face.

All around,  in their houses, people are going about their festivities and celebrations perhaps or maybe feeling a bit lost and sad as they too have fewer loved ones than last year. Trying to shape new traditions as loved faces no longer gather at the table, or laugh at the old jokes.

It’s OK to miss them, but perhaps remembering them brings them closer, to share in the day anyway.

I’m grateful to this quiet day.  The birds that visit, my dogs dozing on the grass.  The vast sky above in greys and blues.  A small sliver of moon setting.  I’m at peace with who I am and where I am.  I’m at peace with where others are in their lives, too.  That is the best gift at any time of year!

As the sun comes out, I’m grateful that my family has other places to go and their own traditions that don’t require my inclusion.  When I’m gone, they will be fine with what they have. They can raise a glass to the memory of me.  Until then I shall enjoy their company when I see them. Hold them and tell them of my love for them. Laugh and cry as needed with them through all my remaining breaths.

Smile, as every day is a good day.