Its odd when there has been such turmoil of emotion that there comes a time where that flattens out. The peaks and troughs of storm tossed seas lessen to swells. Not a calm but a bobbing up and down where ones less likely to be swamped, still the occasional push under by a rogue wave that blindsides the heart.
In that calming, one rests, as high emotions are tiring and perhaps to start wondering what is there to do, or be! Where are the next steps in this life to head towards? Because loss does that. It asked me to look at me and what I want. I wanted Gavin to walk through the door and smile, and in a way he did. I felt that his leaving was an invitation to walk through a door that his transition had opened within me. Could I take that first step? What was to change?
The biggest habit in my life is being a smoker. Never stopped when being pregnant, and yes, I know all the reasons why it’s not good for me, but that doesn’t seem to matter. Rationally, I know I shouldn’t do it, yet I’ve tried many times and not succeeded. Perhaps it was time to give it a try in a different way. I felt now was the time for a different approach. One not tried before. Hypnotherapy.
It wasn’t going to be easy yet somehow, I sort of felt that I had done the hardest thing ever in my life, and that was to say farewell to Gavin. Now, given what I could recall of my early life, that’s saying something! I needed help, not pills or patches or replacements but a person who could help, and I happened to find one. Serendipity, Universal coincidence, Fate, Luck, Magic, call it what you like but I found who I needed to, when I needed too and I’m most grateful.
So, in my coming writings, I’m going to share my experiences of what I thought I knew and what came to be rediscovered. A voyage to the weird and scary, fantastical imagination or deep disturbance, yet simply my truth.
I choose to share my experiences and my perspectives. Feel free to judge them or not, comment or not, its always your choice. Share them with others if that feels right.
My next blog will be what I thought I knew before therapy!
HelenzArt-life-musings 