That’s a question most of us may ask of ourselves when events in our lives may be less comfortable than we would wish. When things are ticking along in the busy-ness of our modern lives we rarely take time to sit and ponder.. Then events may happen, be it the loss of a loved one or an illness that stops us in our tracks of automated, moving along of the daily ordinary and cause us to examine why we are here. We may ignore or deny that prompt, because we are caught in the pain and seeming chaos of ours and others emotions, yet it will sit under the surface and wait for us to come back to it.
For me it was the sudden death of our 28 year old son from a pulmonary embolism in 2018. Gavin was an independent man, working and living his life. I knew he was having some mental health issues of depression. Through my own experiences on and off in my own life, apart from being there to support him it was going to be up to him to take the steps needed towards wellness. He had started those steps and just a couple of months before, after a weekend away as a family he had expressed that he felt strange and that strangeness was a happiness he hadn’t felt for awhile! That cheered us up and he then began planning a return to work programme. He was on medication and that had recently been changed. He had become sedentary with his die ease from being an avid cyclist he was sat doing not much. When he complained of shoulder pains that stretched across his chest and unable to get comfortable we took him to emergency care in hospital. . Triage is a tick box exercise, it takes individuals and shapes them to fit an average supposition. No human is average! The Doctor took more notice of that form than of Gavin. How do we know that, because when Gavin died he had to have an autopsy. That showed that Gavin had a minor PE then and 10 days later died of a massive PE. If it had been diagnosed on that visit it is likely that preventative treatment would allow Gavin to be here in his body person hood today.
So why am I here? Here doing a blog! It’s to share my journeying from that life changing event, through the emotions, not only of that grief but on what happened after that. How life opened in the most surprising ways!
Ways that now have me as ‘no body, dressed in the body of a human called Helen, an ordinary woman having extra-ordinary experiences’.
HelenzArt-life-musings 